Grief as an Opening to Self

Italian psychologist, Roberto Assagioli (1888-1974) assembled the core theories embedded in “Psychosynthesis”: a wholistic, bright, ever-evolving, transpersonal, psychological and spiritual framework. Psychosynthesis helps people – understand, accept, + guide the workings of our human psyche; make conscious choices toward creating a realistic, ideal world; and remember that we are each a puzzle piece that fits into a much larger picture that includes all. 

Those of us who study psychosynthesis do so for personal growth, and often, to share it with others – as teachers, therapists, + life coaches – in the hopes that, together, we can make the world a better place.  We (who teach, counsel, + coach) call ourselves “guide” – as we unfold in tandem with the “traveler” (student + client) who arrives at the door.  We (psychosynthesists) are ever opening toward an understanding that - like a flower - we are naturally unfolding… that growth is ongoing… that we are and will always be emerging.  In this way, in every moment, we are moving toward our largest and most whole understanding of Self.  

Psychosynthesis uses an egg-shaped diagram to explain. 

Basically, there’s a lot hiding in us that’s unconscious material, causing us to react as we do.  We practice (using tools such as subpersonality work) to become more conscious of what’s hidden in our psyche – to accept, love, grow, and synthesize the parts of ourselves that may be young, limiting, and untapped.  We practice (by accessing the transpersonal self) to become more conscious of our connection to that which is greater than our individual self.  When our personal self, “higher” Self, and the Collective Unconscious are in sync, we are informed by our ‘conscious will’ to make decisions toward the greatest good for all. 

Interestingly, what’s missing from most egg diagrams is another psychosynthesis concept: “The Dark Night of the Soul”. 

You can see where it sits: the bottom asterisk in this picture (showing the “psychological functions” - another discussion for another time - superimposed onto the egg diagram).  You can see that it is of equal status with the top asterisk – the Higher Self.  Both asterisks depict a portal of sorts, connecting the personal self to the area around the egg diagram: the Collective Unconscious.  I call this area the Energetic Field, or Source. Some call it Nature, G-d, or Love.

I imagine “The Dark Night of the Soul” as: “the heart cave” (as some gurus and mystics have described it).  It is a deep and dark place, situated in our emotional heart.  It holds those parts hiding (subpersonalities), and it holds grief.  Sometimes we want to be the benevolent parent, inviting those hiding parts to come out of the heart cave and into the light where we can see them, love them, and help them.  Sometimes we want to be the supportive friend – crawling into the depths of the heart cave – holding that which is there in our unconditionally-loving heart-arms. In doing so, we touch unconditional love.  In doing so, we are transported to a higher Self.

This is how it is with grief. Grief lives in deep, dark, uncharted territories. Grieving allows us to open to Self.