A Funky Lesson
When I’m in a funk, I don’t like it. I don’t want it. Something is bothering me and I don’t want things to bother me. I want to be happy. I want to be loving. I want to be accepting. Yet, I don’t want to accept that I’m in a funk - or that there’s something causing me to feel funky: out-of-harmony.
I don’t (immediately) take time to look at what’s causing the disharmony - or - allow feelings to rise and fall as disharmony works its way through a problem and back to a more harmonious state.
Being gentle with myself, accepting that challenges are opportunities, taking time to compost & process - these concepts are not internalized; they do not come naturally to me.
Yet, something in me does not want to be pulled out of the funk. I don’t want to do anything to change the funk. I don’t even want to do the things that help me maintain good health. I stop doing yoga. I binge watch Netflix & binge eat while doing it. I sleep poorly. I don’t meditate. I don’t do my energy cleansing routine. It’s almost like I want to feel even more in a funk.
I don’t believe this ‘self-destructive’ behavior is me wanting to wallow in my shit, linger on the pity pot, or feel sorry for myself, though. I believe that there’s a deeper wisdom at play.
Something is happening - a transition. Somewhere in the subconscious, there’s a wisdom who knows - I need to be pushed into a time and space that will force me toward a change that needs to happen. A part of me wants to remain unchanged, while the inner Wisdom knows I cannot remain where I’m at any longer.
There was a short period of time when, when I felt scratchy-eyes, stuffy-nose, swollen-gland cold-coming-on symptoms, I’d take large doses of vitamin C and Echinacea - for a day or three. I’d immediately feel better - miraculously spared from getting sick. And then - a few days or a week later - I’d get slammed with the worst cold or flu I’d ever experienced. It didn’t take long for me to realize this method (of trying to head off impending illness) didn’t work - at least, it did not work for me.
What I realized (or reason) is that my body talks to me. My body tries to tell me how to take good care of myself, and, when I start to get ‘sick’, it means: I wasn’t listening. My body gave me a little ‘ping’ and I ignored it. It gave me a louder ‘bang’ and I medicated it into a stupor. It rose up and gave me a ‘SLAM’ so I could no longer ignore it. It is persistent, because, the physical body is in cahoots with the rest of my bodies (mental, emotional, psychic, ethereal), and they know what’s best for the whole me.
When I experimented with high dosing a cold away with vitamin C and Echinacea, it didn’t work for me because - my physical body had been telling me that my mind-heart-soul needed attention, and - I wasn’t listening to my body’s Wisdom.
My physical body - kind as it is - put me into bed, where I would better have the opportunity to listen and learn what was best for me. The cold or flu was there for a reason. I needed to slow down, take time to go inside my mind-heart-soul, rest deeply & rejuvenate. Laying in bed for a few days with a cold or flu allowed me to do just that. That was before I adopted meditation. It is rare, nowadays, that I get physically sick.
I’m realizing something related but new, now. I think emotionally challenging times are like physically challenging times.
I’m in a funk. Something is bothering me. It will continue to bother me - until I figure out what it is, where I’d rather be, the steps to get from here to there, and then - take the first step. And, until I figure all that out, Ima stay in a funk.
The funk - like the cold-symptoms - will worsen until I’m forced to listen. I will wallow in shit until I figure out that it stinks, and that I need to clean the area & clean myself. I will sit on the pity pot until something worth pitying is moved out of me. I will feel sorry for the hurt-inner-child part of me (who’s been stuffed into hiding) until I bring it into the Light and nurture it.
The funk is not a bad thing. It just feels that way, because it’s uncomfortable. And, it’s uncomfortable because something needs to change.
Do you know the story of the rock in the shoe? It goes like this:
A person has a rock in their shoe. It’s uncomfortable, but they’re heading somewhere, and don’t want to take the time to stop to get the rock out of their shoe. So they keep walking, uncomfortably so, but - they keep moving forward toward their destination - slower, but forward. They walk like this for miles, feeling more and more uncomfortable, moving slower and slower. Finally, the pain is unbearable, and they stop, sit down, take off their shoe, shake out the rock, put their shoe back on, get up, and continue walking forward - in comfort.
That’s the story. That’s it. The lesson, of course, is: we will not take the time to change until the pain of remaining where we’re at is too great to sustain. We need discomfort - and enough of it - to push us out of ‘business-as-usual’ mode - toward a change that’s necessary, that’s calling us. And, discomfort will last as long as it needs to before that happens.
May we all know self-acceptance. May we all allow change. May we all know peace. May we all suffer with a pebble-in-the-shoe for a short period before we stop to shake it out.
