Both/ And (an expansive guided imagery exercise)
I enjoy learning from a lively discussion, with a variety of open-minded, innovative ideas, where there’s lots of room for critical thinking and growth.
When I’m in a conversation where the expected outcome has already been decided, I feel cramped - stifled. The expectation is that I agree 100%. There’s often no room for questions, degrees of discernment, and gray areas. In those situations, I sense rejection, and am left feeling isolated. This is equally true in both external social situations, and in the privacy of my own mind.
Polarized thinking happens everywhere.
We’re expected to choose a political affiliation, a political candidate, a career choice, a cultural choice, a religion or spiritual path. We’re asked to identify as one gender. There is a ‘norm’ to choose one romantic inclination and to have one romantic partner for life. Often, we’re held to one way of thinking, and having one overall feeling. These expectations come from both the culture around us and inside our own mind.
What would happen if we didn’t have to choose? What If we held dichotomous thoughts and feelings, equally weighed, in both hands?
I find that when I let go of an EITHER/ OR stance, and hold seemingly dichotomous thoughts and feelings in a BOTH / AND position, I become more. It’s an expansive practice.
Try it, if you’d like…
Think of two seemingly opposing issues - a choice you must make. Close your eyes and focus on your imagination - your inner vision. Imagine holding one of the choices in one of your hands.
Notice how it sits in your hand, and how it makes you feel. Notice the weight of it. Consider all the ripples that it creates. Feel the movement of those ripples. Feel the ripple of emotional responses.
Allow the experience to open and deepen.
Now - while continuing to hold that choice in your hand - continuing to allow it to grow - place the other choice in your other hand. Again, notice how this one settles into your hand - feel the weight of it; observe the pattern of it’s ripples and movement, and the feelings it invokes. Observe where it leads to.
Continue to hold these two ideas or feelings in each hand - with all they are, and all they’re becoming - and begin to move your hands closer toward each other. Do this slowly - observing your reactions, thoughts, feelings, and sense. Continue to move your hands closer, until they’re side-by-side, with open-palms up - still holding both choices, together.
Breathe into and out from this experience of holding these choices in equal truth. You may experience an alchemy of new material emerging.
What is emerging?
This BOTH/ AND exercise has been helpful personally, and for my clients - especially with issues when a choice feels heavy and impossibly difficult to make.