Beginning to Heal the Wounds (from Soul Cuts)

External and internalized denial of thoughts, feelings and expression cuts away at the core – the source – of who a person is – their Authentic Self.  Soul cuts happen when authentic, core thoughts, feelings and expressions are deemed unacceptable or are denied, conveyed through statements such as: you shouldn’t or you don’t (think, feel, or express) as you do.   Soul cuts create a general sense that: you are unacceptable, as you are.  The result is internalized negative self-talk that sounds like: you are not ______ enough or you are too_______.   Soul cuts leave a wound.

The wound becomes hidden in the psychic realm.  The suppression begins when we become aware of social norms, and is reinforced when we enter the competitive marketplace.  We hide and store what was deemed unacceptable, deep under the surface. 

We are left with an underlying sense that I will never be enough.  It is no wonder many people ‘hide’ insecurities and feel like a fraud.  Individuals, not able to be their authentic selves, project that other people – all people – are also not being their authentic selves.  People lose trust – in self, others – even Nature, and Source, and in turn, lack of trust turns to lack of connection. 

People want to – need to – connect.  Marshall B. Rosenberg, who developed NVC (Non-Violent Communication) contends that connection is a universal value, characteristic of all humans.

For those who have lost trust, connection feels dangerous. Unable to connect – unable to check the reality of negative self-talk – there is an assumption that: If people knew who I really was, they wouldn’t want to be around me. I am unlovable. I do not fit in. I am alone. I am not worthy. I am nothing.

The ripple effects of core-shame, unconscious subpersonalities, and a sense of disconnection and emptiness - are devastating.  There’s an empty place inside that begs to be filled – with drugs, alcohol, food, sex, porn, overworking, gambling, shopping… – the list goes on and on.  Or, an unchecked, exhausted, internal voice says “I just want out”.

The projected lifespan of humans – which has mostly gone up – has gone down.  It only went down by 1%, but, the fact that it went down – not up – is significant.   I was glued to NPR, listening to the disturbing fact that the reason for the decreased projected lifespan is due in part to ‘diseases of despair’, including suicide.

The suicide rate is not just a statistic to me; it’s personal. More and more people who I know have chosen to take their own life. My list is long, ending most recently with my dear friend – Patrick, and my son-in-law, Barry.

Patrick took a bullet to his head in September 2017. In January 2018, I started anticipating that Patrick’s February 6th birthday was going to be hard.   Three weeks before Patrick’s birthday, my son-in-law Barry ended his life, leaving behind, among others, my grandson Ashton.  On Patrick’s birthday, I got a text from a friend whose son, Nate, was friends with my grandson.  I read the text, conveying the news that Nate and his brother just lost their dad, who shot himself the night before.

In the 1980s, I had listened to Leo Buscaglia during PBS fundraising drives.  Leo Buscaglia, moved by a student's suicide while teaching at USC, began a noncredit class he called Love 1A, where he and students contemplated human disconnectedness.

John Bradshaw, who I also listened to during PBS drives, had been raised in an abusive, alcoholic family, and, because of his personal inner work, emerged as “the founding father of the self-help movement”. 

Bradshaw referred to our disconnected, shamed, hidden parts as the ‘Wounded’ or ‘Inner Child’.  Roberto Assagioli referred to these parts as Subpersonalities. Unlike the mentally-ill medical-model of “multiple personalities”, the coaching model suggests that everyone has hidden parts, wounded inner child(ren), and subpersonalities.

“When our instinctual life is shamed, the natural core of our life is bound up. It’s like an acorn going through excruciating agony for becoming an oak, or a flower feeling ashamed for blossoming.”    ― John Bradshaw

I am 60 years-old.  I have been affected by a deep sense of insecurity since my early teens. At the core, lives a wounded inner child subpersonality who feels ashamed of her thoughts, feelings and actions – and is holding me back (or at least, trying) from being the powerhouse leader I have always known I am. 

Source wants my legacy fulfilled.  I feel the drive and it cannot be denied.  I want to follow my calling, and, with a healthy and balanced Will, I intend to – despite the inner core-shame wounded-child subpersonality-part that is present. 

As I revive my higher aspirations, insecurities are showing up with equal vigor.  What went into hiding were both the negative and positive aspects of the shunned thought, feeling and expression.

Psychosynthesis suggests using both/and – to hold seemingly dichotomous parts together, toward synthesizing them – as one tool to heal wounds and become whole.  Another psychosynthesis concept and healing tool is ‘identification and dis-identification’ of subpersonalities. 

Kenneth Sorensen wrote that disidentification is “the mother of all the other Psychosynthesis techniques”.  Ken Wilber further suggests that disidentification is “converting hidden subjects to conscious objects”.  This is where subpersonality work enters, and where the concepts and work of Assagioli and Bradshaw come together.  This is where compassionate understanding begins.

The wisest, most mature part of our Self becomes conscious of these inner wounded children (subpersonalities) – identifies with and befriends them (by understanding their gifts and accepting and loving them), and then dis-identifies from them (by defining their limits and helping them heal).  When we acknowledge, understand, and synthesize our parts, we become whole again.

“…seeing into the nature of one’s being… points the way from bondage to freedom… giving free play to all the creative impulses lying in our hearts.”    – Daisetz Teitaro Suzuki

Synthesizing one’s inner parts, toward the whole Self, creates a chain effect. There is a sense of unfolding, self-acceptance, love, and freedom. There is authentic and satisfying connection to self, others, Nature, energy, and Source. There is allowing one’s Higher Purpose to emerge.  And when you know your Higher Purpose, you can better align the Will with Values, and follow through being who you are meant to be.

Being becomes enough. Doing follows being. The out-of-control script of ‘human doing’ is flipped back to your rightful place of ‘human being’. 

“We are not human doings; we are human beings!”   - Leo Buscaglia