If you watched Saturday morning cartoons in the USA during the 1960’s, you may remember the jingle: Flintstones… meet the Flintstones… they’re the modern stone age fam-a-lee. The Hanna-Barbera animated sitcom focused on the lives of White, suburban, neighbors and friends: the Flintstones and the Rubbles. “Pebbles” (the Flintstones’ infant daughter) and “Bamm-Bamm” (the Rubbles adopted infant son) became instant besties and remained so throughout the series.

When I was born (1959), my parents named me “Beth Amy Maglin”. My dad would later tell me that he chose my name because he wanted my initials to be BAM (as in Bamm-Bamm, from the Flintstones). This mathematically illogical quip was one of his funny ways of saying “I see you”. My dad had the uncanny ability to “see” people - well before they knew themselves.

What my dad saw in the little-girl version of me was a warrior - a loyal protector and bad-ass powerhouse. My astrological natal chart, numerology life-path number… all signs point to this “warrior” part of me. A bizarre side note is - my inner BAM materialized into Bop-Bop - the name my grandchild gave me. (Though I am my grandchild’s #1 advocate, and this side note does have relevance to today’s post, the story of “Bop-Bop” will wait ;-).

I wish I could stop writing here - while I’m being all mysterious and alluding to myself as simply a warrior for good. I can not. Every coin has two sides.

Recently, I was told I can be mean - deeply hurtful - to the people who are the most significant in my life: my children. This was really hard to hear. crushing. I do not want, in any way, to desecrate, contaminate, or damage the next generation. Since childhood, carrying forward the worst parts of my lineage has been my greatest fear. And yet - here it is, to deal with.

Crushed? Yes. Grateful? Yes. I’m grateful for the opportunity to break generational patterns of cruelty toward others. I’m grateful for the time I still have to grow myself up. Growing is super difficult. I can’t do it alone; I need help. So, I have my psychosynthesis coach, Bill Ryan.

I’ve been working with Bill Ryan on ‘Insecurity’. “I believe that insecurity”, I told Bill, “has been my greatest barrier to being the most I can be in the world”. My guess is that insecurity is also where being “mean” comes from.

The other day, Bill asked me to give a name to the insecure part of me. This is a very psychosynthesis thing to do, this ‘subpersonality’ work. At first, insecurity felt like the bus that all the other subpersonalities ride in. It felt so big - like every other part of me is informed by it. I thought it’s name would be something huge and heavy. When I got quiet, though, the name that emerged was “Pebble”. Pebble - like a tiny thing, that feels insignificant and vulnerable. Pebble - like a little kid who feels the need to bolster themselves up like a boulder, but really, inside, is terrified of being crushed into non-existence.

When I let this part just be, ‘Pebble’, I’m discovering, brings out my vulnerability. For someone (me) who also has the warrior ‘BAM’ living inside, ‘Pebble’s’ vulnerability feels like saving grace. Interesting… that although insecurity can cause havoc, it can also be an ally.

Synergy is happening. I feel it. “Pebble” and “BAM” - two modern stone-age children, besties for life - are growing something good inside.